Conquering our Kvetching

Are you a kvetch? If you are, here’s your reminder to stop complaining and start “setting the Lord before you.”
My beloved mother was a five-star kvetch. This Yiddish term describes a habitual complainer—and my mother was really good at complaining. She once displayed her hall-of-fame-level kvetching when she demanded—and received—the 52 cents left on a gift card by grumbling all the way to upper management at a well-known department store.

Several years ago, I sent a fruit basket to my mother as a gift. A few days later, the company that sold me the basket sent me an apology email. It seemed my mother was not satisfied with the fruit. She had filed a complaint, causing the company to promise me a refund. Knowing my mother, I called the company to find out what happened and to ask it to forget the refund because I knew the fruit was fine.

While speaking with a company representative, I referenced the sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond in which Marie Barone complained to her son Raymond that he had been sending her too many pears from the Fruit-of-the-Month Club. Raymond explained that the fruit was a gift and that most people like it, but Marie pleaded with him to stop the deliveries.

The representative remembered the episode. “Ma’am,” I said, “we are the Barone family, only Jewish.” I had hoped this comparison would dissuade her from acquiescing to my mother’s complaint, but company policy dictated that it return my money.

Afterward, I called my mother. She thanked me profusely for the fruit. I told her the company was giving me a refund and asked why she complained. “I don’t like that kind of apple, and I should have the kind I like,” she said.

“Mom, those apples came with the basket I chose,” I said. “It’s not the company’s fault.”

“Oh, honey,” she said, “yes, it is!”

My mother’s kvetching may have earned me a refund I didn’t request, but it also guaranteed the company would never fill orders for her again. Evidently, it was not her first complaint to them.

To Kvetch Is Human
My mother’s behavior was not unique. All of us kvetch sometimes about something, and some of us kvetch all the time about everything. After all, there are so many things to complain about. We kvetch about the weather; traffic; our neighbors; our neighbors’ kids; the government; the economy; crime; the service in restaurants; the food in restaurants; the job market; and, even among believers, the church.

Have you ever wondered what God thinks about all that kvetching? Adam, the first man, was the first to complain. He excused his sinful disobedience to God by deflecting blame to his wife, Eve: “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate” (Gen. 3:12). Eve followed with her own grumbling, blaming Satan: “The serpent deceived me, and I ate” (v. 13). God handed down swift punishment to the two kvetches.

The ancient Israelites set the gold standard for complaining. Even as God was delivering them from 400 years of slavery in Egypt, they saw Pharaoh’s army pursuing them and cried out to the Lord. “Have you taken us away to die in the wilderness?” they asked Moses. “It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than that we should die in the wilderness” (Ex. 14:11–12).

Later, they complained they were hungry; and God gave them manna (16:4). Then they complained about the manna, and God gave them meat (v. 13). Then they complained they were thirsty, and God gave them water from a rock (17:6). Again and again, it was the same old story—complain, complain, complain.

All of this kvetching directly attacked the person and work of God. Each time, the Israelites believed they were better off as slaves in Egypt than as free people with God in the wilderness. They trusted Egypt more than they trusted the Almighty. They devalued God’s power, provision, and presence. Had they not seen God’s amazing power when He sent 10 plagues upon Egypt or when He split the Red Sea and brought the waters back again (chaps. 7—14)? Had they not benefited from God’s provision when He gave them manna, daily bread from heaven (chap. 16)? And had they not seen God lead them with His physical presence as a visible cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night (13:21)?

Caution Against Complaining
Complaining is not exclusive to the ancient Hebrews. Believers in the early church must have kvetched a lot because the New Testament authors addressed such behavior repeatedly in their epistles.

To the Ephesians, the apostle Paul wrote, “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers” (Eph. 4:29). To the Philippians, he wrote, “Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God” (Phil. 2:14–15).

James, Jesus’ half-brother, wrote, “Do not grumble against one another, brethren, lest you be condemned. Behold, the Judge is standing at the door” (Jas. 5:9). And the apostle Peter wrote, “Be hospitable to one another without grumbling” (1 Pet. 4:9). God’s Word is clear: Kvetching is not fitting for the body of Christ.

The Kvetching Cure
Are you a kvetch? Fear not. Though the children of Israel failed the test of allegiance to God in the wilderness, one of their own, King David, later taught the way to guard against kvetching. “I have set the LORD always before me,” he wrote; “because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved. Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices” (Ps. 16:8–9).

Consider the phrase I have set the LORD always before me. Keeping Him in front of us helps us stop complaining, grumbling, and speaking corruptly.

Many Jewish people place a plaque or poster called a sheviti (Hebrew for “set” or “place”) in their homes and synagogue sanctuaries. The sheviti reads, “Adonai L’negdi Tamid”—“I have set the LORD always before me.”

In the synagogue, the sheviti plaque usually is placed at the front near the bema (platform from which the Torah is read) to remind worshipers why they come. Some designers arrange the text of Psalm 67, a song of praise to the Lord, on the sheviti in such a way that it forms a seven-branched menorah. The menorah was the only light in the holy place of the Tabernacle and Temple of the Lord, making it an appropriate symbol to remind worshipers to set the Lord before them.

While believers are not mandated to have a sheviti for worship, we should remember to consciously and continually place the Lord always before us each and every day, to “set [our minds] on things above, not on things on the earth” (Col. 3:2). We do not want to be five-star kvetches. If the Lord is in His rightful place on the throne of our hearts, He will, through the power of the Holy Spirit, mute our kvetching and turn our complaints to praise.

A few weeks after I wrote this article, my mother passed away at the age of 100. I spent 49 years sharing my faith with her; and, by God’s grace, she came to saving faith in Jesus in her final days. In the next issue of Israel My Glory, I will share how God worked in her life and turned her heart toward heaven, where she is now in glory with Him.

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